They brighten up my days

If anyone is able to brighten up my day its my kids. I love seeing their enthusiasm. My youngest daughter is looking forward to starting school again. She cannot wait to go back to her choir group. Nani keeps expressing her interest in playing an instrument and even if it meant playing ukuleles at musicians friend to try them out and see if she liked it she was willing to do that. I keep feeling bad that I cannot buy her a musical instrument and put her in some music classes.

I am glad that she was able to get into choir at her school and has done quite well there. I hate not being able to give my kids all the things they want. I especially feel bad when they ask for something that isn’t really expensive but it is to us who have to be budgeting til the financial situation gets a little better. I am just glad that right now we can provide the basics and for that I am thankful.





I keep wondering

I keep wondering if I should make an appointment with the doctor and discuss some of the feelings I have been feeling and dealing with. I do not want to keep feeling the way I have been lately. I don’t want to go back to the dark place I was before. I wish I had family or friends that lived close to me that I could really open up to. I don’t have any close family members and I really don’t have that many close friends.

My best friend lives an hour and a half away from me and I do not know how to drive the freeway so I cant even go visit her. I hate depending on other people and I hate having to beg just to be taken to where I want to go. I keep telling myself that I am going to learn how to drive the freeway but I keep letting fear get the best of me. I wish I was as strong as some of the ladies I see on the internet. I wish I had the guts to just stand on my own two feet.





Maybe if I close my eyes and wish really hard

I feel so overwhelmed. I know I cant count on the husband which is so sad. I hate venting about the personal problems I go through on here because I feel like first of all who is going to want to read all the complaints and second of all what good does it do if I haven’t changed the situation. I can’t blame nobody but myself because I am the one who stays in this situation.

I need to put my big girl panties on and do something. I just need to find the strength from somewhere 🙁





I think bancruptcy would be my last resort

I hope I am able to pay some of the bills that have gone a little delinquent. I would hate to have to look into a bankruptcy free consultation to file bankruptcy if we don’t get our financial situation under control. I wish I could help out our situation a little bit better.

I have tried countless times to invoice for the amount that is owed to me and have not gotten any response whatsoever. I have applied to many place but haven’t had luck getting a job. The worst part is that I know I would do such a good job if only someone would give me the chance to prove it. I know I could and would work my butt off for whoever hired me. I keep praying that things will get better. I hope they start getting better soon.





I hope things start getting better soon

It really sucks to be waiting months and months to get paid for work you did long ago. I have sent invoice after invoice and was told I would get paid at the beginning of last month and it came and went and I didn’t get paid a single cent. I have bills that are going past due and it makes me feel awful to not be able to pay them. It seemed like all kinds of things went wrong for us all at once.

I keep praying that things will get better. My kids have been wanting to go out to different places now that they are on vacation and I hate telling them that there is no extra money to be doing any activities. I keep applying for different jobs but none of them have called me back. I hope there is something out there for me.





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