I don’t think it will solve anything

I keep trying to look for a job out here and it is slim pickings. My hubby keeps saying we should move again. He thinks if I look for a house for sale louisville ky might have more jobs than there are here. I am not so sure about wanting to move. He is the type of person who likes to move around every so many years. I am the type of person who likes to pick a place and stay put. It takes me years to get adjusted to a place.

I wish I was the type of person who was not so stuck in her ways. I tend to over analyze things and I have to have things set in order. I am thinking that I am a little obsessive compulsive when it comes to certain things in my life because I had such a unstable childhood. I also think that my hubby’s flighty attitude has a lot to do with his childhood too.

I think with his wanting to move and with my wanting to stay we are both not getting anywhere and I am still without a job. I am hoping this new year will bring me a job instead of having to think about relocating somewhere else.

I really hope it is just a phase

I am starting to get a little stressed out with getting the rest of the family their Christmas gifts. I have most of the kids done. The older ones are the gifts that I still need to buy. These teenage girls are getting harder and harder to shop for. I used to be able to get them gifts that didn’t leave me broke for the rest of the year.

I really need to find a job quick if the girls keep wanting expensive gifts and wanting me to buy them clothes all the time. I miss when they were little and didn’t care if I bought their clothes at Walmart or target. Now they want to go to the mall and get stuff that is way over my budget. I told my oldest that she will pretty soon be able to get a job and be able to buy those 60 dollar designer jeans but this momma’s budget doesn’t cover pants that pricey. I really hope it is just a phase that she is going through right now.

I am so proud of them

My baby girl is getting ready to be in this year town Christmas parade. She did it last year and loved it and now she is going to be at the front of the line walking with her marching band. Although she wont be the one with the giant beat ride she will be either holding the banner or perhaps waving one of the flags. She wanted to be one of the people playing an instrument but this year she didn’t get to.

I cannot wait to see my baby girl shine. I love her enthusiasm and her never giving up attitude. Even though she is the shortest one in her class and most of the students in her grade she sure carries a lot of confidence and tries out for all the activities she can. I hope her free spirit continues on with her as she gets to high school. I love that she is carefree and doesn’t let anyone rain on her parade. Sometimes looking at her makes me wish I was as confident and carefree as she is. I am so proud of my baby girl. I am so proud of all my kids and each and everyone possesses a special place in my heart.

I hate feeling soo down

I try to look forward to the holidays for the sake of my children but it is so hard for me to truly be happy. The holidays bring back memories of my loved ones who passed away. All my childhood memories of the holidays were spent with my granny and not having her with me makes it so hard for me to bare. I remember the smell of her home cooking for the holidays. I remember all the decorations she used to put up. One of the last times I saw her she had her tree up and as I went looking at the decorations I spotted all the Christmas decorations I had made her as a child. Here I was a parent now and there were ornaments made by me when I was my child’s age.

I know she would not want me to be soo sad during the holidays but I cant help but think of her and my mom and my auntie who are in heaven looking down upon us right now. I cant help but feel selfish and want them here physically with me. My life hasn’t been easy and I think it would have been less harder if I would have had their guidance.

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