I hate feeling soo down

I try to look forward to the holidays for the sake of my children but it is so hard for me to truly be happy. The holidays bring back memories of my loved ones who passed away. All my childhood memories of the holidays were spent with my granny and not having her with me makes it so hard for me to bare. I remember the smell of her home cooking for the holidays. I remember all the decorations she used to put up. One of the last times I saw her she had her tree up and as I went looking at the decorations I spotted all the Christmas decorations I had made her as a child. Here I was a parent now and there were ornaments made by me when I was my child’s age.

I know she would not want me to be soo sad during the holidays but I cant help but think of her and my mom and my auntie who are in heaven looking down upon us right now. I cant help but feel selfish and want them here physically with me. My life hasn’t been easy and I think it would have been less harder if I would have had their guidance.


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