That is what I am going to do

My daughter has been progressing in her singing. This is her second year in choir and I can totally see the changes in her voice. She has much more voice control. She keeps telling me that she would love to have a karaoke machine at home. Nana keeps telling me that she needs a vocopro uhf-5800 to help her prepare for when she is on stage. I love the confidence she has when she says “mom its for me to practice when I go onstage” I love that it is when and not if I go onstage. She always tells me with such confidence that one day I will see her on stage performing.

I think I am going to try really hard to get her a karaoke machine or at least a microphone and some kind of adapter that she can use with the dvd player. I will always encourage my kids if they are passionate about something. I am totally going to be one of those moms that will be front and center cheering the loudest. I didn’t always have encouragement growing up and I always told myself that I would not be that way with my kids. No matter how big or small their dreams may be I will always encourage them and support them fully. Although not all parents support their kids, I really think it is part of parenting for them to support and encourage their kids.

wow how easily it was for you

Nothing is harder than to realize that what you thought was real friendship was nothing more than convenience. I don’t know how to give half of a friendship. I either know how to be a friend or not a friend at all. I hate to think that I was a friend for more than 12 years and gave my friendship fully and all I got in return was half or less than that. I trusted and believed and backed up my friendship. I did anything and everything I could to be a good friend and to think that it was only an honest friend from my side only hurts like crap.

I always try to see the best side in everyone. I always get hurt because I choose to have faith and belief in others and would never think that they are out there to hurt me. I know it is na├»ve to think that way but to me being on edge and not trusting anyone makes me a little bit sad. I know the reality is that many people will hurt you and people aren’t as kind as they always seem.

I am slowly but surely learning not to be as trusting and as forgiving but it is still hard for me. I know that by being so welcoming I am only opening the door to being hurt again but I just don’t know how to change my ways. I am trying really hard to be a little more guarded now that I know what some peoples intentions are. I cant help but feel the way I feel though

testing, testing…nothing to see

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I am hurting bad

I am in pain and much more pain than I usually am. It was a mighty fine time for the dumb doctor who saw me to take it upon himself to decide what my pain level was and how he felt that I didn’t need the pain killers. I wish he could be in my body then tell me that the pain I feel is not as bad as he thinks. I just love how it was the first time he saw me but made that assessment about my pain.Even though he was my primary doctor he was never available when I try to make my appointment to go see him. He didn’t take the time to read all my medical chart all he saw was that I have been taking pain killers for a couple of years and decided that I am addicted to them.

Did he pain attention to my mri results.. I highly doubt it. Did he bother to read the results of the physical therapist who I am doing physical therapy with … nope because when he decided that I was addicted to the pills and took me off of them it was the last day of him working for that medical office. Now I have to wait to get another primary care doctor and wait to see if that doctor will give me pain pills or if they are going to find a way to take some of this pain away. I have had nothing but spasms and migraines and have had to stay in bed from the pain. My freaking blood pressure has even been going up from the pain level I feel. I really hope the next doctor who sees me can see that I am truly in a lot of pain and not trying to just be addicted to pain killers. I really hope he takes the time to talk to the physical therapist and goes through all my medical files instead of trying to get me in and out of the office in 10 minutes or less.

Do I get something small for now ?

My auntie’s birthday is coming up soon and I don’t know what to get her. I would love to get her something nice like some honora freshwater pearls but I don’t think that’s a possibility with the financial difficulty we are having right now. The holidays are rough for us because we have a birthday so close to Christmas and another birthday a few days after new years. Let me not forget that I have 6 children to worry about getting presents for and then worry about presents for the family gathering or birthdays we have.

I am really hoping to find something that is nice and doesn’t cost too much. I really would love getting her some pearls but it might have to wait until after income tax before I can buy her some. I am hoping to be able to get her a card and something little and then tell her that her real gift will come after April. Do you think it would be a little ghetto to basically give an IOU on a good gift ? I am sure my aunt wouldn’t care either way and its the thought that counts but I really want to let her know just how special she is to me.

Do I do it or not ?

I had a eye doctor’s appointment the other day and they eye doctor who did my surgery said that my left eye had changed enough for me to have an “enhancement” basically that is what they call doing laser surgery for a second time. What it means to me is that my right eye did what it was supposed to the first time and the left eye never got to the level of the right eye. My doctor had given me glasses to wear at night to help with the halos I saw and to hopefully help me see a little more clearer than I normally do at night. I noticed right away that it improved my eyesight for the right eye but not the left eye.

I cant help but feel a little scared to go for a second surgery. What if the second one doesn’t work either and it leaves me far worse than what my eyesight is now? I don’t know what to do. I feel torn between wanting better eyesight but not knowing if doing a second surgery on my left eye will improve it or make me worse that what I am now. I have a lot of decisions to make and of course I would have to go through the whole testing I did before I got the lasik surgery done. I got a little while to think about it so that is what I am going to do. I am going to give it lots of thought before I decide.

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