wow how easily it was for you

Nothing is harder than to realize that what you thought was real friendship was nothing more than convenience. I don’t know how to give half of a friendship. I either know how to be a friend or not a friend at all. I hate to think that I was a friend for more than 12 years and gave my friendship fully and all I got in return was half or less than that. I trusted and believed and backed up my friendship. I did anything and everything I could to be a good friend and to think that it was only an honest friend from my side only hurts like crap.

I always try to see the best side in everyone. I always get hurt because I choose to have faith and belief in others and would never think that they are out there to hurt me. I know it is naïve to think that way but to me being on edge and not trusting anyone makes me a little bit sad. I know the reality is that many people will hurt you and people aren’t as kind as they always seem.

I am slowly but surely learning not to be as trusting and as forgiving but it is still hard for me. I know that by being so welcoming I am only opening the door to being hurt again but I just don’t know how to change my ways. I am trying really hard to be a little more guarded now that I know what some peoples intentions are. I cant help but feel the way I feel though


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