Can you imagine how easy life would be if I could fix everything by the click of a button like I do on my computer. What if we could use a click here button to get rid of lines or wrinkles on our faces. Or what if by clicking a button we could generate what our body would look like. I for one would give all my life savings for a program like that.

I am tired of doing the best I can and sometimes even more than I have to give and end up with nothing. I feel like all my efforts are for nothing. I am trying to stay strong but I keep faultering. I dont think that stressing and frowning and crying is doing anything to help but I cannot get myself out of this funk.

As I sit here trying to not let myself fall into depression I come up with the craziest of notions in order to not get myself depressed. As you may all know my weight bothers me alot. I am a bigtime nervous eater. Whenever I feel nervous or stressed I try to alleviate myself with food and that is why I weigh what I do now. I then see how fat I am and get depressed and then guess what I do again, I eat.

So why checking myself out in the mirror today and seeing how fat I am I thought of a silly solution. I thought to myself if I could have some type of hgh releaser go on in my body maybe I could grow a few inches and the fatness wouldnt seem as bad. The taller you are the more you can weigh but since I am really short the weight looks really bad on me.

I know growing anymore is out of the question but at least it was a silly idea I thought up.What I really need to do is get my butt in motion and start eating better and excercising. Eating right and excercising is easier said than done but I have to do it.

I have been checking out gossip sites in an effort to try and distract myself from the crap that is going on right now and I am happy to read that nicole richie and Joel madden are getting married. I think they are the cutest celebrity couple out there. The media outlets were saying that she has already starting looking for her wedding dress. I personally like Vera Wang dresses but there are many other designers that have fabulous stuff.

I want to have a big wedding someday. I dont know if I will ever get to since money is so tight with us right now but a girl can dream right. I wish I won the lottery and never had to worry about money. I hate having to pinch pennies here and there.

My life is super sucktacular right now that even a simple task as reading about colon cleansing reviews is too difficult a task for me. All I want to do is sleep. I feel so tired because I am not sleeping well since I have so much stuff going on right now. I am so worried about our problems that I cant even think straight. I cant even get a decent nights rest and issues just keep tumbling in and making things more difficult.

I wish I could just go to sleep and wake up and everything would be solved and I would have no worries. Sadly life doesnt always work the way we want it to.When you feel nice and comfortable something always goes wrong. Many people tell me that I need god in my life and that he will solve everything. I try to be a believer but I really am having a hard time just letting everything go and letting god take care of everything.

Damn I am going through so much drama right now that I am surprised I havent broken out as much as I usually do when I am stressed out. I usually break out in pimples that even the best acne treatment out there probably wouldnt get rid of them( okay I am exaggereating) I am sure that they would. Watch now that I have mentioned pimples my face is going to break out.

I really need to relax and breathe but I cant. I am so wound up with all kinds of family drama and household drama that I feel like I am sinking and can’t catch my breath. I really need to stop worrying so much because it always makes me sick but I dont know how to stop worrying.

I have been so tired lately. I know its because I have no energy to do anything and I have no energy because I am overweight. I always notice that when I am heavier I dont want to do anything and in turn I gain more weight. Being overweight sucks but I am not doing anything about it.

I have looked at fda approved diet pills but I havent ordered any. I need to do something but I am constantly giving up before I even start. How can I give up just like that ? I need to find the strength within myself. I need to believe in myself but that is so hard for me to do right now.

I want to go out to dinner and watch a movie and hopefully I will get to do it today. I have been so bored at home that I want to go out and do something fun. I wish had had looked at different careers when I was still in high school. While I do love being a mom what am I going to do when they are all bigger?

I have thought about becoming a pharmacy tech but I am still not sure if that is what I definately want to do. I will think about it some more and make my choice when the time comes closer I guess. I want soem type of career choice where I will love going to work and it wont become a chore.

Even though we just started the month of Feburary I am already thinking about how its going to be during the summer. I would love for my hubby to install one of those pretty Minka Aire fans in my room because the heat rises over here and our rooms gets the hottest out of all of them. I barely made it with the heat that we got last year and I have no clue how I am going to be able to stand the heat this year.

I think I am going to see if we can get a pool because the heat our here is awful.I also would love to buy the kids one of those wooden playgrounds that have a slide and a swing and maybe a teeter todder. I think they need more toys in the back yard.

I hate not being able to go and spend money. We are on such a strict budget right now that unless it is really needed then we cant buy it. I am going to look at jobs we can do at home. I am going to see how I can lower my bills I am going to look at auto insurance quotes and see if i can get a smaller rate.
I dont know what else to do other than conserving energy and saving on the utility bills. I seriously need to find a job that I can do from home. We could use the extra money. Well let me be honest we have enough to may the house and the bills I just want extra money to spend buying stuff I want.

I hate not being able to get the cool things that people get to enjoy. I have wanted and Ipod for lord knows how long but I still havent been able to afford one.

I sometimes get upset when I realize that I cannot do some of the things I find fun because of the accident that happend in july of 05. That lady that hit me with her SUV really messed me up. Because of that accident my back will never be the same. I wish I had had a bette attorney that would have made sure that I was conpensated well enough. I am going to have this back problem for the rest of my life.

I bet I could have found a Oklahoma attorney that would have worked better than what my attorney did. I just think that what I was compensated was nowhere near what it should have been.

It upsets me so much that when the weather is cold I can hardly stand straight because my back starts spasming. I hate that I cant enjoy going to amusement parks and getting on the fast rides. All of those things upset me so much. I was able to do have so much fun before the accident. Sorry to all of you for venting out my frustrations.